love u....

went to A2 cell group yesterday...

they are talking abt love...

what is love...

love can be in many form....

it could be an eternal memory...

lolz... ok... after that went to Ashan City with Gor Gor (shin)

then bought some material for the cake and dinner...

planned to make cheese baked rice for him...

but end up... i cant find an oven for that...

even for the cake i have to borrow from Kathrine...

thanks Kathrine...

Banana Chocolate Cake...

oh my baby really pandai order ar...

baked it...

successfully... just a bit ugly... and baby said should add more banana...

well... the cake was distributed everywhere... then i found out its actually not enough...

i left out lots of ppl....

oh my god... i left out chai's portion.. wanna give mine to him...

but end up gone d... T.T

sad..

and i din even get to taste my own hand baked cake...

but dear dear said its nice...

should i believe him or is he flattering me?

lolz... i shall ask the others later....

by the way, he describe the cake as crunchy at the top and moist at the centre with a rich chocolate taste... and nice banana... SWT...

lolz... k... i guess its a success...

hoof... chocolate cake is the most "ma fan" cake to make...

lolz... but the end product is nice~

thanks for those who help me out yesterday... love u guys... muacks....

really and seriously thanks a lot....

that saved my life... oops... din get to take a pic of it... but nvm la

to my family....

to my dearest family :

its been more than 2 months since i reached here already...

and i really do miss u all so much...

i had homesick since the very first day i reached here...

cant stop crying...

these cause some misunderstanding amongst my seniors...

most of them thought that i was rude and arrogant because i didnt talk much...

and i sincerely apologize if they do think that way...

and i was too lazy to clear that misunderstanding off...

mummy... i miss you so much... the day i went to the park during autumn...

i saw a mother holding her daughter's hand...

it reminds me more of you and tears started dropping...

daddy... every sms from you makes me miss you even badly...

i know that you guys love me very much.... and of course i love you guys too...

thanks for raising me up for these 19 years....

i am proud to be your daughter, daddy and mummy...

i love you guys...

i miss ha babe a lot....

wonder if he missed me too....

and theodore... though she always "cari gaduh"

but still she is my adorable sister...

i miss her very much too..

and my brother... i hope that he did well in his studies...

dear parent, please be patient with them as they are not so tough when dealing with problems...

especially the up and down in lifes...

they are still weak to walk on their own feet...

i hope that you guys can give them more guidance, caring and love...

i hope that you guys can do my part for me also...

as i failed to do as a sister since i am not by their side...

and dear sister and brother, i am sorry that for your following birthdays...

for 6 years... approximately... i wont be able to celebrate with you guys...

i hope that you guys do understand and i am sorry that i wont be able to stay by your side when you guys need me most...

as i am far away from home...

be sure that you guys toughen yourself up...

when you fall down, make sure that you stand back up...

dont make daddy and mummy worry....

please do take care of daddy and mummy in my place too as they are getting old...

they need your attention too...

please dont ignore their advice and listen to them whenever they need you to...

please dont make them worry and do be a good girl and good boy....

and at last....

dear family, i will be back whenever i can...

i promise that i will try my best here..

i know that i am lazy but i will try my best to force myself to study hard...

at least, i promise that i will graduate and make you guys proud of me...

thank you my dear family for always being there by my side...

i love you~

happiness...

i felt so happy when he hugged me...

he seriously had no idea that his hug is warm and comfortable...

so protective...

i like it best when he hugged me quietly...

and for that moment... i felt so protected and loved by him...

haha...

thank you, dear...

for trying so hard to prove to me that you really do love me...

and sorry for being paranoid...

and not having much faith in you...

dear, i love you...

lonely...

sometimes... when he get seriously busy...

i felt so left out by him....

i knew that he is busy and i should have be more understanding...

and more caring towards him...

but still i cant stop myself from being unreasonable....

i just wanna be with him...

someone just tell me what should i do?

most of the time i feel like breaking up with him...

not because i dont love him...

but because i think that by this way maybe both of us wont suffer this lot...

i cant stop myself from thinking too much and relating him to her....

he dont have that much of time to accompany me...

moreover, i admitted that i am selfish...

i want him to be all mine...

cause i love him...

but still there is always other things that are more important than me...

since its like that...

isnt it better for us to be separated?

lucky to have you here by my side....

today was not really a good day for me...

first i was too tired to study for my latin control..

second... when i wake up this morning...

the worst thing happens to my toilet....

its flooded!!!

damn that idiotic rat...

it apparently bite the paiping for the washing machine...

causing the leakage...

worst of all...

i am really frustrated after everything seems to get lost these few days...

i am at my limit... and i am super duper tired....

with all my energy worn off and especially with what i have to go through monthly as a girl...

lucky.... chris was there for me today...

he just plainly hug me and said to me softly...

"lean on me.... everything will be fine... i will be there for you"...

after that it cause me to think what if he graduates 3 years later...

i will seriously feel very lonely by then....

well... thank god that i have him with me at my down times...

and dear,я люблю тебя....

Anniversary...

hmm... we had our 2nd month anniversary yesterday.....

i am quite happy to have him... to be honest...

dear... i just wanna tell you that i love you....

and happy 2nd month anniversary....

lets hope that our future will be brighter....

hehe... thank god that i know you....

i love you... muacks

haiz....

haiz...

its so cold outside...

and well... i lost my hostel pass during the outing with chris to watch harry potter...

today... like FINALLY...

the commandan office open...

i was like.. oh thank god...

i told her that i lost my pass and she goes like "молодцом"...

so sarcastically....

well... not all russian are nice... that i can tell.. but so far other than that women just now...

others are very friendly...

in fact too nice...

i like them very much... well.. not that women though...

especially their old people here...

they are knowledgable and friendly...

class just ended earlier today...

cause teacher cant stand the cold....

i think thats all for now...

aiks... tiring

have so many colloquems going on...

got one for bio which i think i almost dead because of it...

one for physics which they postponed again to next week...

one control for latin... which can kill me faster than ever...

one for the anatomy... my lecturer is sick... thus don't really know when will we going to have the colloq...

quite worry about him too... wonder if he is ok... wish that my lecturer is safe and healthy...

kinda like him...

today supposed to be my turn to cook dinner.. lolz...

but somehow ended up he cooked for us...

i have to admit that he "sayang" me quite a lot...

protect me in his own way... yet i still feel insecure...

почему?

life in moscow

so basically,

i have been here for nearly 3 months...

as usual...

life is always full of drama...

i just want a simple and peaceful life...

but somehow it doesn't fulfilled....

i have been starting my medical lessons for first year for nearly three months...

and i miss my family very much...

and part of me have been missing u ever since we last met each other....

i should thank you for caring about me...

i seriously thought that i cant live without you...

and honestly... i do struggled for that...

i learnt how to love from you and i learnt how to let go from you....

i learnt that no matter how hard you tried... somethings will not just work out...

i dont wanna force you anymore...

maybe you do love me... and maybe you dont...

but of course i hope you do...

and thanks to you that i was saved....

not that negative anymore...

a lil bit more optimistic than last time i guess...

when you tell me that i changed, i felt so happy and glad...

i am glad that i changed under your guidance...

i just wanna tell you that my love for you is still there....

maybe it just changed form...

its quite hard for us to be called friends from the very start...

we are not couple anymore yet we are more than friends...

i feel happy to have this kind of relationship with you and i just wanna tell you that i will always be there for you when you need me....

you always knew that i will be there for you, right?

as for now, i told you before that i found a boyfriend right here in Moscow...

somehow, maybe things are better at first...

but i feel lost most of the time... probably i dont know him much...

and i cant mingle into his group of friends...

or probably part of his life...

to be honest...

i felt like i am not as important as someone that have been in his heart for a long time...

probably... i really am...

still... i have no confidence in these... i knew what you would say when you saw these...

you would say stop being negative and trust him if you choose him...

if its so difficult then there is no point for you to be with him anymore...

right?

sometimes things are just so complicated...

maybe i am not any better than her...

maybe i am not suitable for him...

i felt lost sometimes when i was with him...

somehow... its really hard to believe that he really do loves me...

or am i just being paranoid?