aiks... tiring

have so many colloquems going on...

got one for bio which i think i almost dead because of it...

one for physics which they postponed again to next week...

one control for latin... which can kill me faster than ever...

one for the anatomy... my lecturer is sick... thus don't really know when will we going to have the colloq...

quite worry about him too... wonder if he is ok... wish that my lecturer is safe and healthy...

kinda like him...

today supposed to be my turn to cook dinner.. lolz...

but somehow ended up he cooked for us...

i have to admit that he "sayang" me quite a lot...

protect me in his own way... yet i still feel insecure...

почему?

life in moscow

so basically,

i have been here for nearly 3 months...

as usual...

life is always full of drama...

i just want a simple and peaceful life...

but somehow it doesn't fulfilled....

i have been starting my medical lessons for first year for nearly three months...

and i miss my family very much...

and part of me have been missing u ever since we last met each other....

i should thank you for caring about me...

i seriously thought that i cant live without you...

and honestly... i do struggled for that...

i learnt how to love from you and i learnt how to let go from you....

i learnt that no matter how hard you tried... somethings will not just work out...

i dont wanna force you anymore...

maybe you do love me... and maybe you dont...

but of course i hope you do...

and thanks to you that i was saved....

not that negative anymore...

a lil bit more optimistic than last time i guess...

when you tell me that i changed, i felt so happy and glad...

i am glad that i changed under your guidance...

i just wanna tell you that my love for you is still there....

maybe it just changed form...

its quite hard for us to be called friends from the very start...

we are not couple anymore yet we are more than friends...

i feel happy to have this kind of relationship with you and i just wanna tell you that i will always be there for you when you need me....

you always knew that i will be there for you, right?

as for now, i told you before that i found a boyfriend right here in Moscow...

somehow, maybe things are better at first...

but i feel lost most of the time... probably i dont know him much...

and i cant mingle into his group of friends...

or probably part of his life...

to be honest...

i felt like i am not as important as someone that have been in his heart for a long time...

probably... i really am...

still... i have no confidence in these... i knew what you would say when you saw these...

you would say stop being negative and trust him if you choose him...

if its so difficult then there is no point for you to be with him anymore...

right?

sometimes things are just so complicated...

maybe i am not any better than her...

maybe i am not suitable for him...

i felt lost sometimes when i was with him...

somehow... its really hard to believe that he really do loves me...

or am i just being paranoid?